You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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