paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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