I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
