when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
