Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
