I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
