Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
