You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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