Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
