He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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