my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
