I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
