while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
