my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
