Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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