You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
