So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
