oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
