According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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