I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
