just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
