I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We are all done wearing pants today
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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