if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
