I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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