Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
barbara walters just said penis...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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