Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
