My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
