i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
