Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
