...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
