You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
