I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
