I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
