i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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