i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
