i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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