Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
