do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
