I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
