Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
