You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
