i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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