My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
