my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
