Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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