when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
