I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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