Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
