I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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