His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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