Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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