Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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