I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
